If you’ve spent any time on scrolling through social media over the last few years, you’ve likely seen the phrase ‘feel your feelings.’
It’s a nice sentiment that has exploded in popularity — on TikTok alone, there are more than 19.7million views on the hashtag #feelyourfeelings — and it’s usually accompanied by a conversation regarding the tendency to over-intellectualise your feelings.
However, if you’re not sure what it actually means to feel your feelings or how to do it, you’re definitely not alone.
The first time I was introduced to the concept of feeling my feelings was in therapy.
I’ve always had the tendency to intellectualise my feelings, aka spending more time thinking about what I’m feeling — looking at what’s causing them, why I would feel that way, or even how I could make it stop — versus simply feeling what comes up.
My therapist explained that there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with intellectualisation — after all, it’s simply a psychological defense mechanism that many people use to cope with difficult emotions and situations — but that thinking about your feelings is only part of the process.
My therapist explained to me that emotions are a lot like our bodies’ version of a check engine light. They’re a sign that something has happened and feeling those emotions is an essential part of processing and moving through them. This is why it can be so bad for your physical health to ignore your emotions. Emotions are indicators, histoire de la concertation sociale en belgique either positive or negative, and the body typically reacts to those emotions without us being conscious of that reaction.
If you’re in a situation that makes you feel anxious, for instance, your body often reacts automatically.
You might feel your heartrate increase, your palms may grow sweaty, or perhaps you experience shortness of breath—all without you choosing to feel those things. If you ignore those sensations, you’re ignoring your body telling you that something is wrong. Even if you think you shouldn’t feel that way—maybe you think it’s silly or unnecessary to feel anxious at that moment—it doesn’t change that your body’s reaction is happening and very real.
I like to think about it like experiencing heat. I might not want it to be hot, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s happening. Ignoring the heat — refusing to let myself feel it or respond to it — is both difficult and dangerous, and simply analysing why it’s hot isn’t going to change my body’s reaction to it. It won’t prevent me from overheating, getting a sunburn, or suffering from heat stroke.
Feeling your feelings works in a similar way. There’s nothing wrong with being curious about why you’re feeling a certain thing — maybe understanding it better can help you prevent or avoid those feelings in the future, address a problem that has arisen in your life, or simply make it easier for you to accept what you’re experiencing— but it’s still important to recognise and feel what you’re feeling as well.
So how can you actually feel your feelings?
The first step I learned to help me ‘feel my feelings’ might sound counterintuitive, but I like to start by identifying what I’m feeling.
Unlike intellectualising my feelings, it’s not about why I’m feeling it or what it means or anything like that. Instead, it’s simply taking a few moments to identify any particular emotions that might be popping up.
For some people, it might be easier to start by identifying physical sensations in your body. Maybe you’re experiencing tightness in your chest, maybe your shoulders are tense, or maybe you feel like you might burst into tears. Whatever it is that you’re experiencing, take a moment to simply acknowledge its existence.
I like to name what I’m feeling — either saying it out loud, writing it in a journal, or thinking to myself ‘I am sad’ — but every person might prefer something different.
Maybe you’re afraid to identify an emotion because you’re uncomfortable with how it feels or what it might mean. Maybe you’re struggling to feel anything or maybe you feel so much that identifying one thing seems impossible.
If that’s the case, ‘feeling your feelings’ can be overwhelming, so it might be easier to give yourself a specific time limit — like five minutes — to sit with or explore what you’re experiencing.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to agree with or like what you’re feeling; you’re simply attempting to accept that it’s happening. Emotions aren’t always correct. I might be upset that I feel anxious about a situation that would ordinarily excite me, but — again — disagreeing with my feelings doesn’t keep them from happening.
Over time, however, I found that working on accepting my emotions — and actually feeling the physical sensations in my body — made it easier for me to move through them.
I started noticing that I was able to give myself permission to feel things like anger, something I used to avoid until it inevitably exploded. Now, I can feel my anger — and allow myself to express it in a healthy manner through journaling, taking a boxing class, or even screaming into a pillow — which makes it easier to process and release it.
Keep in mind that feeling your feelings takes practice, and it might feel uncomfortable or silly at first.
There are times you might not want to feel your feelings, and that’s okay too.
If you’re worried about trying this practice alone, or you’re not sure where to begin, I highly recommend finding a trusted therapist who can help you learn how to feel your feelings in a way that works best for you.
It might take time, but taking care of your emotional health is well worth the effort.
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