This Tired Couple Fought Over Who Should be 'Thanked' for Parenting — & Reddit Wisely Tells Them to Take a Pause

Check in on your friends with little kids because we are not doing OK. We are tired, probably sick, definitely stressed right now — and our partners are paying for it. One tired mom on Reddit unleashed her frustrations on her partner, and it sparked a heartfelt conversation about taking a break from each other.

The OP wrote in the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit that she is a full-time student, and her husband works full-time from home. Their two kids, ages 2 and 4, go to childcare centers during the day. But right now, she is in the middle of an intense project, and her and her husband are both burned out.

“I’m currently on the third day of a 10 day ‘hackathon’/product sprint that’s cognitively and creatively intense. It’s all day (10 am to 7 or 8 pm) with almost no breaks in between design sessions or client meetings,” she wrote. “I’ve tried to help with child care as much as I can (e.g., dropping the kids off, helping to get them ready for the next day), but it’s been challenging to be an equal co-parent. While I wasn’t prepared for how late I’d be getting home, we knew things would be lopsided for a minute.”

That’s so hard. When one parent is working extra hours, it’s so exhausting on the other, so it makes sense why a fight was brewing between the couple. “Last night wrapped up at 8:30 pm. I was exhausted,” the mom continued. “My team had basically spent the latter five hours of the day debating and deliberating with our client. All I wanted to do was see my husband and relax. When I came home, the apartment looked like a bomb had gone off. Clothes and toys everywhere, dishes from breakfast (and now dinner) piled in the sink, trash can overflowing, etc.”

She continued, “I learned that the expectation was that I should clean up the apartment since he had been with the kids for the past three hours. I told him it felt unfair for that responsibility to fall solely on me, especially since he was home all day. Yes, he was working, but he could take time to wash the dishes.”

It sounds like she got home in a bad mood — the first thing she noticed was that the house was a mess? I mean, c’mon. At least he kept the kids happy and alive, right? I know men are notorious for only doing the bare minimum, but I would be upset if my husband came home and complained about the dishes when I was wrangling his kids all night.  

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