Unfortunately, we’ve seen way too many examples of utterly clueless husbands who have no sympathy for their pregnant wives and the roller coaster of awful and uncomfortable (at best) symptoms they have to deal with. So we were upset but not surprised when we found a woman on the “Am I The A-hole” subreddit who is in the same boat.
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She and her husband are having their second child together. They also have a third who the wife shares with her ex-husband. The woman is guessing she’s between 4 and 6 weeks pregnant. She’ll have a better idea at her first doctor’s appointment in a few weeks, but the point is that she is very early into her first trimester — a time that is notorious for bad pregnancy symptoms.
This woman who originally posted on Reddit (the “OP”) said she has been feeling very sick the past few days (makes sense!), and so some days she just isn’t able to do any “housework.” She explained that her husband works a full-time job and that she runs her own at-home bakery and sells baked goods at farmers’ markets. Our understanding is that because of the hours of their jobs, and because, ya know, the patriarchy, the expectation is that she takes care of household chores.
“Last night I was up until about 1 a.m. because I felt so bad I couldn’t sleep,” she wrote. “My husband comes home from work, and I tell him the dog has been crying the whole time he has been gone. He replied back, ‘Or maybe it’s [because of] that sh*t smell.’”
What Is He Talking About?!
Image Credit: Adobe Stock OP got upset at that comment and asked what he meant.
“He was apparently talking about the mint-scented oil I had on a cotton ball to keep me from getting sick,” she said. “I tell him, a little angry, ‘That doesn’t mean you have to be mean about it because that oil is the only thing keeping me from getting sick.’”
The Next Problem
Image Credit: Adobe Stock The husband’s anger didn’t stop there. He then saw Wendy’s fast food in the trash and was upset she had taken the kids to the drive-thru for dinner.
“And that I had not done any housework or dishes (we have no dishwasher so I have to hand wash everything),” she said, justifying something she didn’t have to.
Mansplaining Morning Sickness
Image Credit: Adobe Stock As if that wasn’t enough, wait until you hear this one …”He also proceeded to tell me the pregnant women at his work can do their job and don’t feel sick and wanted me to explain to him why this is.”
OH. NO. HE. DID. NOT. That asinine comparison did not go over well with Redditors, but we have one more stop to make before we get to that.
Edited Post
Image Credit: Adobe Stock OP felt the need to go back and edit her post because people kept saying that as a homemaker, she has time to clean.
“I am not [a homemaker],” she said. “I own my own at-home bakery with a business license that brings in $400-$800 in a given week in just baked goods alone. (I sell other items as well). [We get] takeout [dinner] maybe once or twice a week when I don’t have time to cook dinner [due to events for my kids or my business].”
We’re so disgusted that people put her in a position where she felt like she needed to address this. She shouldn’t have to share her income and working at home and being a homemaker is not the same thing. And even if she was, a homemaker is allowed to take a sick day when pregnant just like any other person can take sick days for any reason.
And, hello, most families get takeout no matter how people are feeling! So why are people so stuck on this?
So What Did The Internet Have To Say?
Image Credit: Getty Images Redditors were unsurprisingly furious. So many of them could not believe he was diminishing his wife’s sickness because his coworkers aren’t sick. That’s awesome for them, but why does he think his wife is making this up? Actually, they’re wondering if the husband is making his coworkers up.
“Do they even exist? It’s so easy to lie. Maybe [you] should say that all the husbands of her pregnant friends help with the chores, cook dinner and understand that pregnancy is tough.”
“Lotta husbands out there pick up the slack when their pregnant wives are pregnant … The comparison game he’s playing is a dangerous one, I’m sure he wouldn’t like to hear about other husbands/partners who earn more, help more, and are better in bed.”
“NTA! But your husband sure is! How dare he compare you to other women who are pregnant at his work?! The audacity! He comes home, he behaves poorly and instead of being concerned that you’re suffering, he’s mad you had a Wendy and that you’ve not cleaned?? Are you his staff? You work too!”
“The correct response would have been, ‘Oh it smells unusual in here what is that? Oh mint oil? Oh gosh, are you ok?? Do you need anything? I’ll do the dishes etc whilst you rest. Let me know if there is anything else I can do’ … Do not put up with bs. It will only get worse or at the very least won’t change unless you put a stop to it.”
“Tell him that you see other husbands bringing in over 200k a year and why can’t he do that?”
The internet was truly “SO mad” about this a-hole’s behavior and kept coming after him in the comments:
“He has no empathy and clearly sees OP as an employee that keeps his house clean rather than a human with feelings.”
“When he grows a person inside him he can have a say. Send him back to work so you can get more Wendy’s.”
“Hello husband. If you’re reading. Stop being so f*cking mean to your preggo wife. She’s growing a human that you helped make. She needs help…Feeding the kids is both of your jobs and if she needs to go to Wendy’s to do it because you aren’t helping her AT ALL then f*ck off and let her do that in peace. Selfish f*ck. Whoooooohhhh this one made me mad!!!!!”
“Your husband is an idiot and an a**,” yet another Redditor said, and honestly, though it’s a simple statement, we can’t say we disagree.
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